Pastoral Prophetic Care Corner
By Rev. Michelle Walsh, October 29, 2023
You’ll notice sometimes I begin my column with the word “prophetic” and sometimes, as today, with the word “pastoral.” This is because care of self and others and our capacity to engage in social justice in our larger world are intertwined – and sometimes we need to lead with the pastoral and sometimes with the prophetic. It’s a lot like looking through a prism from different angles – it’s all one light but shown with many dimensions or aspects through the prism. This interconnectedness also is a truth illustrated by our combined Unitarian Universalist beliefs in the worth and dignity of each person and the interdependent web of existence of which we each are a part.
On Monday night, 10/23/23, I attended an author event at the Canton Public Library featuring my colleague, the Rev. Nathan Detering, speaking about and reading selections from his book, Why Can’t I Fix It? The Questions We Ask When We Love Someone With Addiction. It’s a very slim volume, easily read, and also deeply moving and filled with useful personal insights from Nate’s experiences losing a younger brother to opioid overdose. I recommend this book to all, and in fact, it might make a useful book discussion for us in the Spring.
The chapter I lifted up in our conversation that night was Chapter Five, “What About You?” on Nate’s hard worn lessons in self-care from his engagement with therapy (yes, clergy need and have therapists). I raise this book up to everyone not only because substance use and abuse is a widespread phenomenon in our society, but also because addictions can take many forms – from workaholism to social media consumption to gambling to eating patterns to perfectionism to any number of unhealthy or imbalanced behaviors. The advice Nate received in therapy has resonance for all forms of addiction: (1) letting go of anger and shame often entails grief counseling; (2) learning to confide in others can be an antidote to the loneliness that manifests in anger and shame; (3) it’s important to remember joy and exercise our “joy muscles;” (4) it’s important to do things that make you proud; and (5) it’s important to know your limits.
It was important both personally and professionally for Nate to share his experiences – when we share our own struggles in any area of addiction, not just substance use and abuse, it opens the door for others to share and reduce loneliness and shame. I come from a family that has had some of these same struggles, and I’m well aware of how my own ‘addictions’ have played out in different, albeit more socially acceptable ways. I encourage us to reflect on these fine lines and perhaps to discuss this book from a broadened sense.
Rev. Michelle